


Don't You Ever Tame Your Demons (Keep Them on a Leash)

by wincestplease



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fem!Sam, Soulless!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 20:37:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3542987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wincestplease/pseuds/wincestplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted by Anonymous for a female soulless!Sam dealing with remembering being in love with Dean while having no emotions (: Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't You Ever Tame Your Demons (Keep Them on a Leash)

 

The sky is dark, lit only by a few stars and a half moon that Samantha peers up at, uninterested. She used to stare up at a sky like this with her brother for hours, atop the beloved impala and feel….something. She used to feel a lot of things.

But that was before, and now, things are different.

Samantha doesn’t feel anymore. Not anything at all.

She wrings her hands together and turns away from the moon, back to the bright window that displayed three figures at a dinner table. Sam knew well enough now who these people were. She’d been watching for a while; it didn’t take her long to track Dean down when she’d gotten topside.

Instinct, she supposes.

Ben is the son. Sam remembers him from a hunt a few years back. He’s much bigger now, studier, perhaps. Older, definitely. Looks at Dean like he’s a superhero.

Samantha used to look at him like that.

A cold wind rustles her long hair off her back but she doesn’t stir.

Dean will probably always be familiar to Sam, even if the entire world becomes alien around her.

She’ll always recognize Dean.

 Everything about him she knows well, down to the way he holds the fork in his hand and eats his potatoes before his vegetables—though he eats those, too, after what looks like some prompting from the woman, whose name is Lisa.

Sam doesn’t know if she likes Lisa. It’s an…odd thing…for her to not see in black and white as she has since getting out of hell. Shades of grey tilt her vision and she’s left aching for something she feels like she never even knew she’d lost.

Lisa makes Dean happy. But she’s a liability. And something in Sam’s subconscious is screaming at her to hate Lisa. Because that part of her remembers _very_ well the _before_ she had with Dean.

The before that meant hand holding and cuddling and kissing with split lips…the before that entailed Dean telling her how much he loved her as Sam pressed her fingers into his bullet wound and said, _“if you die on me again Dean I’ll fucking bring you back just to kill you again.”_ Theirs was a love that was wrong and right and saving and painful and unhealthy and everything Sam ever needed. At the time.

Back when she could feel. When she was _right._

Now she’s so fucked up she doesn’t even sleep and she’s tried to cry so many times but she can’t care enough to force anything powerful enough out of her.

She’s just…empty.

She hugs her arms around herself as if she could feel the hollowness inside her and her stomach twisted in unease she didn’t understand and Lisa leaned across the table to kiss Dean on the lips.

Sam can’t hear them, but she can read Dean’s lips when he says _I love you_ and Sam’s lips twitch down. She doesn’t understand.

 _“I’ll always love you, Sammy,”_ Dean had told her, between soiled motel sheets and sweaty, panting bodies. He held her close, even though they were both too hot that July night, and he’d kissed her hair. _“There will never be anyone else for me.”_

And now, here he was, with her.

Sam tilts her head, frowning slightly. “Liar,” She says, voice flat. She should be feeling…something. She doesn’t.

Dean turns his head and his smile drops.

They lock eyes.

-


End file.
